bahbahblackgoat

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J A N E L L E
She chewed up the moon and spit stars all over my night sky♥

Leave nothing but footsteps.
Take nothing else.
Lastly, enjoy your stay.

Janelle's Profile

Janelle. Born on 16th April.
I'm 80 this year, and I absolutely love knitting.
I love KPOP (yes I'm a hippie grandma)
Love my family and friends♥
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Posted by Wednesday, August 10, 2011 8/10/2011 04:43:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Speaking of which, I love the new skin ♥

It's been a long time

Posted by 8/10/2011 03:17:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

It's been ages (like about 2 years) since I've last updated this blog. I kinda switched to another platform but just suddenly felt an urge to blog here after reading some friends' blogs :\

This is not completely private so I'm not gonna say much. And yes, many things have happened and changed throughout the past two years. Few major events though. hahaha, such as 2AM's fansign, getting addicted to KPOP, etc.

Just as soon as I've started to settle down for Senior High, it's almost time to take A Levels and then leave. Time flies. Really.

There are many things that we need to be aware of but are not. We can't see our own shortcomings and we think that we understand ourselves the best. maybe so for some, but not really the case for most.

"You put yourself in the spotlight and then blame everyone else that you can't see them."

So what are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to answer your questions to them?

It's hard to maintain friendships/relationships with people sometimes. How are you supposed to be honest and yet not hurting the other party's feelings at the same time? To me, everyone's worth that try. But not everyone can maintain it. Why would you expect others to understand you when you can't even see yourself clearly? And besides, they're not you, you cannot expect everyone else to understand what you're thinking and understand you fully. I find it kinda ridiculous when one always exclaims, "You don't understand me at all!", and then hurt the relationship because one thinks that the other cannot understand him/her-_- Sorry my dear, I don't have that superpower to read minds.

I've come to realise that, ultimately, family members are those who will be there till the very end. I've read it somewhere, that say, "Parents are the only people who give you the most, allow you to owe them things, and not request for any forms of repay." We all get to live only once, and the time that we've got is finite. All I wanna do is to treasure the time with everyone around me, so that I don't leave regrets.

领悟到了很多事情。虽然不能说完全理解了，但是在一定程度上，应该就是吧。

只可惜有些事，现在领悟已经太晚了。只能希望一切，还能来得及。

The things that we wanna stay unchanged are often the first ones to change.

It's those little things in life that make us stronger.

\RUN BABY RUN;

Posted by Tuesday, December 29, 2009 12/29/2009 10:59:00 AM with 0 notes | add more notes

Holidays' gonna be over soon.
Well blog's dying, so I figured I should say something. lol.
Fever yesterday, 38.2 }:
China's like, super cold :S and my handphone was stolen on x'mas. }:
curses to the thief. rarh~
But it's kay, I'm getting a new phone like today. hoho :D
2009's ending soon. And senior high life will be starting after a week of orientation.
rarhz~ Start expecting different things hmm.
Classes and subject combination results are not out yet :\
I don't think there will be anyone getting rejected for their first choices._. LOL
It snowed on x'mas :D
and it's prettaye~

I'm like super bored now..... zzz......

why can't you see anything?

STUPID BLOGGER

Posted by Thursday, September 10, 2009 9/10/2009 09:47:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

okay the stupid blogger thingy is really getting on my nerves. (!)
Forget it... ahh.
EOYs is just around the corner!!
Hai. I should really start some serious mugging.
Holiday's been really slacky for me. and I'm pissed at myself for procrastinating. rarh!

"He gave my heart away the day after I gave it to him"
hoho~

since! there is no colours, etc... I shall just copy and paste it here. hmm.

<<再说一次我愿意>>
"结婚不是两个人面对面，而是两个人牵手共同面对这个世界"

《舒颜(女)；顾秦(男)；这是两人离婚后，故事发展到了快要结尾的部分。》
刚吃完晚饭，安顿好了父母后，顾秦看了看时间，差不多了，舒颜应该快到了，他拨通了对方的号码，但奇怪的是，一直都打不通，传来一阵阵忙音。
他有些忐忑起来，然后就接到了舒颜母亲的电话，对方的语气很是急促：“不好了顾秦，刚刚舒颜的朋友小洋打来电话，说就在舒颜必经的那条高速公路上出现了严重的车祸，有一辆巴士撞到了路边的栏杆，直接摔下了几十米的山崖……现在……舒颜的手机打不通、打不通……”女人的嗓音明显地颤抖着，声音里都已经有了哭腔。
天！顾秦的心猛地往下一沉，心跳急速加快，因为就在刚才，他还打了舒颜的电话，没错，一直打不通……
他安慰岳母：“妈，您先别急，我现在就去问清楚，你把她那个朋友的号码告诉我！”
女人颤抖着将号码报了过来，然后顾秦直接就打了过去，对方也很紧张，说是本来要问到了没有，可却一直打不通，方才听到新闻快讯说是那条高速公路上出了事，她急得快疯了！
顾秦还是保持着冷静，虽然心跳已经不受控制，他问清楚了舒颜所坐的巴士的号码和班次，然后查询了终点站的服务号码，询问这一班次的情况。
让他无法相信的是，新闻快讯上所说的出事的班次，居然真的就是舒颜所坐的那一班！
……感觉一阵天旋地转，他神经质似的一遍又一遍询问对方，校对着号码和班次，连服务员都被问得没了耐心。
放下手机，他整个人瘫坐在沙发上，铁青的脸色让母亲也吓了一跳。
“孩子，你这是怎么啦？脸色这么难看的？”母亲担忧地询问起来。
他却听不到了，急匆匆地抓起车钥匙就出了门！
车开得飞快，他一边开一边不停地拨打着舒颜的手机，那边传来信号不通的忙音一次又一次让他的心惊慌不已。
不一会，雪洋打来了电话，他匆匆接起。
“顾秦，我刚了解到了，舒颜乘坐的那班车就是出事的那一班，听说现在道路戒严，交警和消防已经赶到那里，车子摔到山崖下，车里面的情况就不清楚了！”雪洋带着浓重的鼻音，那是哭泣后的声音。
这一刻，他心乱如麻，但还是竭力地安慰着对方：“恩，先别紧张，或许没有我们想的这么糟糕，我现在就在赶往现场的路上，你继续打舒颜的手机，打通了就告诉我一声。”
“好的，我知道了！”
放下手机，顾秦长长地呼了口气，眼角越发地酸涩起来，此刻的心里只有那个名字……舒颜……舒颜……
昨晚，他们还通了电话，他告诉她，会等她回来。
可是现在，为何却连个电话也没有，他不是叮嘱过她么？无论遇到什么事，一定要第一时间打给他……
眼角的液体终于缓缓滑落，带着丝丝的温度，让他意识到自己正在向着什么方向而去，他的心是冷的，脑子里也是空白一片，他不敢想象，真的不敢想象……
第二卷第二十七章等我
完全没了时间观念，不知道现在是几时……
舒颜不是自然醒的，而是身边的一声声难挨的呻吟和哭泣将她拉回了现实……
这一刹那，她居然暂时忘记了自己身处何方，为何眼前一片漆黑？然后便是身体下方的小腿传来的一阵阵抽痛！
呜呜……耳边传来的是一个女孩的哭泣声，断断续续，带着惊慌的颤抖，就在这一刻，她的一切感官都苏醒了，鼻间传来浓烈的汽油味儿，然而，更令她意识到事态严重的是空气中的血腥味道，这个味道弥漫着小小的空间，与汽油味儿混杂在一起。
天！出车祸了……出事了！
原谅她的后知后觉，因为就在前一刻，她甚至还以为自己只是在做梦！
惊恐顿时占据了整颗心，脑子里既混乱又模糊，现在到底是什么状况？他们在哪儿？为什么除了呻吟和哭声，一点其他的响动也没有？有人知道这里出了事么？
一串串的疑问涌上心头，然后便是越发绝望的念头了，她躺靠在似乎是车窗的地方，身体除了右手，其他地方都无法动弹，尤其是身体的下半身，已经牢牢地被什么东西压住了，待神志恢复过来的时候，却痛得越发厉害了！
周围黑乎乎的一片，她看不清楚一切……
女孩的哭泣还在继续，舒颜意识到这应该就是坐在自己身边的晕车的女孩，于是同样颤抖着声音问：“别哭，知道是怎么回事了么？”
一瞬间，女孩的哭声停止了，然后便是带着哭腔的沙哑的低语：“我、我不知道……车子好像滚下了山坡，方才还有很多人在哭叫，可现在……他们好像都……”女孩再也说不下去了，黑暗中再次传来了她的哭泣声……
舒颜的心缓缓地沉了下去，或许，一切真的会到此为止了。
她感觉到了眼角温热的液体，也不知是因为疼痛还是恐惧，反正，它不受控制地流下了。
尽管害怕，她还是尽最后的力气安慰着身边还尚存气息的女孩：“别怕，会有人来救我们的，别哭，保存好力气，不要急……”
女孩抽泣着，然后低声回应：“恩，可是我痛……好痛……”
“我知道，我也很痛，但我们该庆幸，因为我们还知道痛，不要放弃、不要放弃！”她深深地喘着气，顿觉脑袋传来一阵阵晕眩的感觉。
她竭力让自己平静下来，此刻最需要的就是冷静，无论周围的空气多么令人窒息和绝望，她却要坚持下去，要活着出去，一定要活着出去！
家里还有妈妈，父亲已经离去，她不能再失去唯一的依靠了……还有、还有顾秦……他在等着她回去，她还想协助他办好画展，那个曾老师的联系方式还在她的腰包里！
突然间，她机能性地用仅剩的可以自由活动的右手急切地摸索着腰间的腰包，还好，它还在，打开了拉链，她靠着触觉掏出了手机。
顾秦说过，无论发生什么，都要第一时间打电话给他……
即使腿上的抽痛越来越厉害，即使身边的女孩已然消失的呻吟声，却还是没有打垮她仅剩的意识，是的，此刻如果连她自己都放弃了，那么或许这里就是她的葬身之地！
手机屏幕亮起的那一刻，她被眼前的一幕吓得浑身颤抖，这是这辈子最触目惊心的一幕！一张血肉模糊的脸就靠在压在她身上的椅背上，此刻已认不清是男是女了，她终于知道重压着自己的不仅是前面的座椅，那上面还有一个已然没了生气的人……
紧握着手机的手不受控制地颤抖起来，鼻间的血腥味道越来越浓烈，她不敢对着那张脸，否则，她会崩溃！
掉着眼泪，她颤抖着按着手机，按通了那个熟悉的号码。
然而，一片忙音……
急切的心跳让她的恐惧感越发强烈，老天应该不会如此绝情吧？如果想要她离开，那又为何让她此刻如此清醒？或许在昏沉中死去也会是一种解脱……
发疯似的不断按着那个号码，直到一次次的忙音让她的心一点点地僵硬，又试着拨了其他人的号码，可还是一样，她听不到期待的通话声，有的却还是急切的忙音！此刻只能任由绝望向她袭来……
她最后的依靠，最后的救命稻草，都没了、没了……
终于到了车祸发生的路段，已经将近深夜了，顾秦随便将车停靠在路边，然后匆匆地上前，想要进到出事的路段，然而，却被交警拦在了路边的休息站，说现在暂时封锁戒严了路段，警察和消防正在全力抢救，其他人不得进入。
他的脸铁青得可怕，发现休息站里都是像他一样坐立不安的遇难者家属，有些女人已经开始哭泣，脸上挂着的是绝望的表情……这一刻，他的心也冷了，他知道事态的严重已经远远超过了所有人的预料，现在大家剩却的只有等待，等待着亲人们或爱人们的音讯，哪怕只是一声证明他们还活着的呻吟……
舒颜的妈妈和朋友不停地打来电话，询问着最新的情况，让他原本就焦虑万分的情绪更加恐惧烦躁起来，可嘴上却还是尽量安慰着她们，他能做的只有这样了。
几乎每隔一分钟，他就会拨打舒颜的手机号码，即使每次传来的还是那一声声令人崩溃的忙音！
意识渐渐模糊，舒颜感觉眼皮沉重得快睁不开了，手机被自己的右手握得温热起来，周围安静得可怕，身边的女孩连呼吸声也听不到了。
“你还在么？还在么……”她虚弱的声音在小小的空间里回荡，然而，回应她的却只有冰冷的空气。
绝望一波又一波袭来，她强撑着最后的意识，颤抖的手指依旧按着那个熟悉的号码……
绝望了的，但还是要打，此刻，她只想跟他说话，哪怕只有那么一两句。
这一次……均匀的嘟嘟声……通了！居然通了！
她靠在冰冷坚硬的车窗旁，强忍着疼痛和恐惧，心里是期盼，却也是诀别前的空洞，泪水早已迷糊了双眼……
……
顾秦坐立难安，看着人们在面前紧张急促地走来走去，听着悲哀绝望的哭声，感觉自己只剩身上的这具行尸走肉，从来不知道，等待是如此恐怖又惊心动魄的事情。
他几次三番想要进入施救现场，但却被拦住了，交警说那巴士滚到了几十米深的山崖，而且现在又是在黑夜，给施救工作带来很高的难度，更不能让这些无谓的家属来扰乱秩序了。
无奈，他只好又安静地回到休息区，然后就是等待了。
……突然响起的铃声让他着实吓了一跳，心想一定又是岳母或雪洋打来的电话了，他无奈地掏出手机，可屏幕上清晰的来电显示却让他一时不敢相信自己的眼睛，是舒颜！真的是舒颜！
“舒颜！”他完全是用喊的叫出了对方的名字。
“……”那边很安静，或许是因为这边人流太多，他听不清对方究竟有没有在说话。
“舒颜，是你吗？你在么？我是顾秦，我现在就在现场，你回答我一声！”他腾地从椅子上坐起，走到了较为安静的角落。
那边又沉静了一会，然后传来了微弱的沙哑的嗓音：“顾秦，我还在……还在……”
眼泪在这一刻夺眶而出，他哽咽着的声线轻轻颤抖着：“我相信你会没事的，我就知道你会打给我，我一直在等着……”
“我一直在打你的电话，可是一直都没有通……顾秦，我很想你……”声音虽然很虚弱，但传到他的耳际却再清晰不过了。
他强压住铺天盖地的心酸和痛苦，尽量缓和自己的声音：“舒颜，现在感觉怎么样？身体哪里受伤了吗？”
“……很痛、很痛，又很累……感觉就要睡过去了……”
他的心猛地一紧，几乎是嘶叫着对着话筒说道：“别睡！舒颜，千万别睡！从现在起，我跟你说话，你要保持清醒，警察已经到了，不用多久就会没事的，知道吗？”
“恩……”那边的声音越来越弱。
顾秦发疯似的又跑到警戒线前，不顾一切地想要通过，声音里已然带着哭腔：“让我过去！我老婆还在，她还在里面给我打电话，请让我过去，或许可以配合你们施救！”
交警理解地劝解着，但还是拦不住他此刻的冲劲，无奈之下，其中的一个警察只好答应领着他前往不远处的出事地点。
“舒颜，我这就过去了，你等着我，我现在就过去找你，千万别睡！听话，千万别睡！等我！”他边跑边喊着。
“恩……我不会睡……等你……”
在这样冰冷的夜，连眼泪也失去了温度……
第二卷第二十八章再次唱起那首歌
好冷……舒颜依旧靠在那个冰冷的角落，然而全身渐渐传来的麻木感却让她的脑袋越发晕沉了，除了右手握着的手机留着丝丝温度，其他地方都已然没了知觉。
她很想睡，但顾秦的声音就在耳朵的一边，一直告诉她，不要睡，要等他过来……
好吧，她强撑着最后一丝意识，等他、等他过来吧。
“舒颜，我已经跟着他们下来了！坚持！你很快就会没事了、没事了！”顾秦的声音依旧颤抖着。
她只能“恩”一声，告诉他自己还在，却完全没多余的力气再说什么了，也许此刻只要轻轻合上眼，就永远都醒不来了，但是，她绝对不要这样！
许久，她朦胧中似乎感觉到周围热闹起来了，很多的光束照进来，然后又转到别的地方，让她的眼睛一时无法适应了。
听到一些说话的声音、脚步声，还有喷水的声音……她不知道是怎么回事，因为此刻真的思考不了，她只需要强撑着最后的一点意识。
“舒颜，告诉我们你在什么地方，靠窗的位置还是？”那边的顾秦突然紧张地询问起来。
她抖着嘴唇，用尽全身的力气喃喃道：“靠……窗……”
“好，太辛苦就不要说话了，我告诉他们，马上就救你出来了，别怕！”
思绪陷入空白，很久很久……然后，她听到一声猛烈的撞击，“砰”的一声，她旁边的窗户被砸开了，车子摇晃起来，硬邦邦的椅子磨擦着她受伤的小腿，痛得她顿时来了气力叫起来。
“好痛！好痛！！”
“舒颜，忍着点！忍着点！同志，她说很痛，我们能不能换个方式？”顾秦焦虑的喊声再一次传来。
再然后，车子又不摇了……
昏暗中，顾秦辨不清楚舒颜的具体位置，他们不让他靠近，他站在离车子一段距离的地方，神经紧紧地绷住，从来没有像此刻如此的紧张。
前面的战士来传话了，说舒颜被她前面的车座压住了下半身，而那个车座上还有一个不知是昏迷还是已遇难的乘客，所以，必须要先将那个乘客从车座上拉开才行，他们会小心翼翼，但这个过程难免会令她痛苦，希望顾秦能告诉对方，要坚持下去。
他的心紧紧揪着，知道了也只能这样了，于是开始安慰舒颜：“舒颜，他们说会有点疼，但别怕，会很快的，我陪你说话吧，你别管他们，只管听着我的话，好么？”
那边又传来了一声“恩”。
“舒颜，记得你最喜欢吃的蓝莓蛋糕么？不瞒你说，我们分开的这段时间，我几乎每天都吃呢，就在那一家我们经常去的糕品店，明天一早，我就给你买去……”
“啊！痛！”电话那边的舒颜再一次撕心裂肺的喊叫，伴随的还有痛苦的哭泣声。
他听到施救人员正小心地安慰着她不要怕，很快就好了。
压住心底的抽痛，他继续轻声说道：“舒颜，别理其他，听我说话，这样吧，告诉你一个秘密，这个可是我隐藏了半辈子的秘密了，除了父母，可是没有其他人知道的哦。”
那边渐渐停止了哭泣，但喘息声还是很浓重。
顾秦接着说：“其实，我的名字是后来才改的，小时候我爸妈起的根本就不是顾秦，我说出来你可别笑啊？”
又听到舒颜的闷哼了，她一定很痛很痛，此刻，心在滴血。
继续故作轻松，却发现早已泪眼模糊：“小时候，我的名字叫顾小明……呵呵，很土吧？看到小学语文书里到处都是自己的名字，我真的没少郁闷过……后来，电视里播放了秦始皇的故事，我对他可崇拜了，于是在到城里上学的那一天起，我就改名顾秦了……呵呵，这可是从来没跟人说起过的哦，你是第一个。”
那边还是很多人的说话声，当然，听得最清晰的，就是舒颜的痛苦呻吟。
“我……我真的撑不住了……”舒颜气若游丝，似乎已经使尽了全身的力气了。
“撑住！舒颜，要坚持住！我就在你身边……”声音哽咽了，连他也说不出话了，头皮酸麻酸麻的，胸口又像被针扎一样难受，为什么要这样？为什么这短短的几个小时过得如此漫长？
前面传来消息，舒颜出血很多，需要医护人员前往协助，几个医生和护士匆匆抬着器械就过去了，顾秦站在原地，感觉自己的血液就要停止流动……
什么片段在脑子里一闪而过，然后又被他厌恶地甩开了，不要，他绝对不要看到这样的结局！
电话那头已然没了舒颜的声音，甚至连呻吟都没有了……
“舒颜？舒颜！”他喊着、叫着，心跳得飞快，不安的情绪笼罩着他。
然后，他蹲在杂草丛生的草地上，任担忧和恐惧的泪水蔓延着，轻轻地喃喃起来：“唱歌给你听吧，就像当初那样……”
“忘了有多久，再没听到你……对我说你最爱的故事，我想了很久，我开始慌了，是不是我又做错了什么……”
颤抖着的稍稍变了调的歌声，却引来了周围所有人的注意，他知道此刻的自己有多滑稽可笑，也知道自己的歌声有多难听，但还是不想停止，他要唱给她听，要让她知道，他是多么在乎她，担心她，依旧爱着她啊……
“你哭着对我说，童话里都是骗人的，我不可能是你的王子……也许你不会懂，从你说爱我以后，我的天空，星星都亮了……”
沙哑变调的歌声参着眼泪，将在场的所有人都打动了，一个女警默默地站在一边，无声地掉着眼泪……
“我愿变成童话里你爱的那个天使，张开双手变成翅膀守护你，你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里，幸福和快乐是结局……”
这一刻，不仅他的声音，在场的其他人，站着的也好，忙碌着的也好，无不轻轻跟着哼唱起来……在这个冰冷又昏暗的夜晚，大伙的歌声却让空气顿时温暖了起来，顾秦的眼泪从没有像此刻如此汹涌，止都止不住。
舒颜的眼前一片漆黑，握着手机的右手已然麻木了，她应该是昏睡着了，但却又清晰地感受着电话那边的顾秦的声音……
他在哭……他在唱……
唱着那一首曾经令她感动不已的歌，童话……真的能像歌词里写的那样么？他们的结局能幸福快乐么？
呵呵，也许此刻，她真的笑了，不是因为没了疼痛，也不是因为终于等到了救援的人，而是……那颤抖跑调的嗓音和当初对方跟自己求婚时一样好笑，顾秦一点唱歌的天分也没有，而且不到万不得已，他怎么也不会开口唱歌的……
而此刻，她却听到了，清晰的听到了，虽然中间几度因为哽咽而停顿，但温暖却将她冰冷的身体紧紧地包裹起来，她说不出话，但相信彼此会有心灵的感知，顾秦，我感受到了，也答应你，不会离开……不会轻易离开了……
这一刻，周围一切的喧嚣或杂乱已经完全被屏蔽在九霄云外，她安静地闭着眼，意识却不停告诉自己，不能睡着，一定要坚持，因为就在车外，那个站在寒风中的男人，轻声地颤抖着再次唱起那首歌，他在等着自己……
“我愿变成童话里你爱的那个天使，张开双手变成翅膀守护你，你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里，幸福和快乐是结局……”
是的，我们都要相信，幸福和快乐会是永远的结局……
……
朦胧中，舒颜来到一处优美梦幻的花海中，一望无际，清新沁人的芳香随着细细的微风飘来，抚在脸上，就像被蒙上一片轻纱，痒痒的，很舒服。
正奇怪着这里是什么地方，就见到远处一个熟悉的身影缓缓向她走来……
谁？如此熟悉？那身影，为何令她如此亲切和安心？
很快，她知道了，那不就是心中记挂着的那个人么？那个虽然离开了，却依旧留在心田的男人。
“爸爸！”她流下幸福的泪水，然后朝着那个人跑去。
男人明明站在眼前，可却感觉遥不可及，无论她怎么跑，无论怎么向前，始终都够不着、摸不到。
男人始终微笑着，舒展开的眉头显得慈祥和蔼，他朝她摇着头，然后轻轻挥动着手，告诉她：“孩子，你一定要幸福啊……”
眼泪决堤而下，她怔怔地目睹着父亲的身影缓缓消失在花海的深处，然后，什么都没有了……
第三卷第一章完满的回报
好像昏睡了很久……舒颜的脑子比眼睛抢先一步醒了，好安静，她这是在哪儿？为什么感觉整个人昏沉又麻木？昏暗中，她听到了自己匀称的呼吸声，还有似有似无的滴答声……

男主角唱童话的部分深深地感动了我。
或许是在发泄，不过的确哭得挺惨。

希望考试能顺利，加油{:

&TORTUROUS TIME

Posted by Monday, August 24, 2009 8/24/2009 11:09:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

It's weird how blogger doesn't seem to be working very well (at least not on my computers) these days...
Life is freagging screwed :\ Mood swings getting serious. I wanna be happy! Is it that hard? EOY is about a month away. Going on hiatus soon I suppose... I need to bury myself deep inside the books and pray that the information will somehow line up and all enter my brain automatically. Ahh, nice try Janelle, nice try.

I've got a headache today, with an upset stomach and Janelle. I think I'm dying :\
Food doesn't appeal that much to me anymores. Chem (atomic bonding) was a total failure. People are so stressed up nowadays.
They are crying, bleeding and dying.
Why?
To live on.

It's funny how I can laugh so heartily, and the next minute I just don't feel like smiling anymore. So it sets me thinking, are those happiness for real? If they are, why don't they linger around like the other happy memories? I don't know :\ (bloody hell)

Math is up this friday, with physics next week. JUST kill me somebody. God.

The colour of the blue sky makes me emo.

Why are skies blue?
Why are hearts red?
Why is love so simple yet complicated?
Why is it that it's those whom you love that hurts you?
Why do birds fly and not humans?
Why do lives have to be so fragile?
Why are there so many things in life that we have to do, must do and cannot don't do?
Why can't I forget when I already swore to give up?
Why do I have to smile when I'm not actually happy?

Answers, someone?

I wanna run away, and soar up high into the blue skies. Maybe everything would be different :\

TATA/

&LOVE IS LIKE RAINBOW

Posted by Monday, August 17, 2009 8/17/2009 03:19:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

{她兴奋地指着彩虹，“夜，看！八色彩虹哦” 男孩皱着眉，不解地问道：“彩虹是七色啊...” “呵呵，红橙黄绿蓝殿紫，还有幸福的颜色！”}

Sudden craze of rainbow and the colours. Amazed, I must reckon, that rainbows simply fascinate me. A lot, actually. Haha. Life is crazy nowadays, with all the upcoming tests and datelines to meet with, it's totally stressing on my brain (and brain cells if there are any brave survivors-_-) Damn. I swear I'm gonna shop till I drop dead after EOYs. Hoho~

Chem's tomorrow. Die. Today's DHRP symposium was totally, b0r1nG... I mean I slept through some of it ._. It's nice to sleep in the PAC :D they should open it and charge people to sleep in there! It's super comfy (:

I mean the last thing I would wanna do is to suck on lollies all day and stare out into space for 24/7.
it actually sounds fun (:
ahh. nevermind :\

Shall rush home to study chem.

tata!
P.S. If at night you see a pair of white eyes and a big (fat) white set of teeth smiling at you, and they seem to be "floating" in the middle of the air, do NOT be alarmed, I repeat, do NOT be alarmed! Because that will be Yitian's laogong, aka mugua. I repeat, do NOT be alarmed! In case of emergency, please on the lights or jump out of the window. THANKYOU

12/08/09

Posted by Thursday, August 13, 2009 8/13/2009 12:19:00 AM with 0 notes | add more notes

JANELLE is feeling okay~

Stayed back for history today, had some stuff to ask the teacher.(hahaha)
There's so much to do for this week. History test (plus the stack of readings to do in order to do well for the test o.o), history essay to be handed in, chemistry article review... rarh it's irritating me. Okay nvm. Statistic test, I think I'm SO gonna fail. Dang.

I think it's such a wonderful day (lalala)

And I'm dancing over the rainbow (lalala)
May the bright sunlight shine on me (lalala)

Cause I'm in a happy mood (lalala)
Rainbow's got seven colours (lalala)
And they're all smiling at me (lalala)
Zebras are singing with me too (lalala)
Y don't you join in too (lalala)

okay nvm I'm just being bored + lame. Put the first letters of the 'song' together and get a sentence (: ahhh, that's me alright :D

I'm emo because I am officially stuck at my history essay and because I desperately want to sleep and because I really really really want to UPLOAD PICTURES! dang! and I can't even change the fonts and stuff. I mean why wouldn't the damn stupid irritating annoying bloody buttons just show themselves?!
ahh nvm :D
I'm off to lala land folks~

TATA/

060809

Posted by Thursday, August 06, 2009 8/06/2009 09:58:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Damn I've no idea what's wrong but I can't change the colour or the size of the fonts. Ahh, well. It's been a long time since I've last posted, haha. I mean the last time i posted was god knows when >_> Today was cool. haha. Very fun. lol. Not really looking forward to the celebration tomorrow. red shirt + singing-,- okay I've gotta admit that the songs are okay but the way they organized it is really...
Got my history book from the library!! :D hoho~ It's super thick and the font size is like what, 8?! okay nevermind, at least it's encouraging to know that I have motivation to drive me on~ woots.

Ahh. Chemistry test was Y-A-Y, yay. haha. 17/20, highest~! haha. Shocked, I must say. Very, shocked. Because usually I'll get like what, 5/20-_-, which is the last few in class. heh heh. I guess hard work does pay off. The nanjing peeps are coming soon. I kinda don't really want them to._. I'm evil yes I know, but hell-o! They've ingeniously chosen a very good timing to come RIGHT BEFORE OUR EOY. Dang, that's what's going to happen to the Australians.. I've got to spend the eve of EOY out with them; playing like tomorrow's holiday forever-.- Great, just great.

But I'm so looking forward to Nanjing trip~ I want to S.H.O.P~~
Ahh. I'm crazy. I'm mad. I'm insane. I'm mentally unstable. My nerves system is failing me. My memory is failing me.(speaking of which I've nearly lost my wallet twice today. But a big fat thankyou to all the wonderful peeps who returned it to me!! :D) My brain is dying, and so are the cells inside it. hmm :\ Are those symptoms considered normal? Err, yea. For the undergraduates of WoodBridge University. What was I saying? Forget it.

Super high, and then super emo. Just don't leave me alone, because my brain would start to replay the emo things. Ahh. So I got super emo. Dang. Very constructive, yea.

Things have changed and people are still changing. Just don't target me again. I wanna protect myself, because I know that everytime I give my heart out, they'd return me a wounded one. I want to have a scar-free heart. So, leave me alone if you're such an arrogant snob. I mean, honestly, who do you think you are? My husband? My parent? My teacher? None. If you don't respect me, I won't to you either. Take that, and leave it.
Hate is a strong word, so I'm not using it. Why should I see your ass-like face and take down all your temper? I'm not your servant, you s.o.n-o.f-a-b.i.t.ch. Be reasonable. Quit asking people to reflect, start with yourself. Why are you asking me to think and reflect on myself all-the-time? Ask me again, and you'll kiss my ass.

that's all. Just suddenly, thought of it.

tata//

She belongs to the darkness, so take her away from love.

UPDATE

Posted by Sunday, June 14, 2009 6/14/2009 10:07:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Yoh~ It's been like what, god knows how long since I've last posted. xD Because of my laziness hahahahaha.

School holidays are not any better than normal school days. I mean, the work load this time round is crazy. >_> I'm on the verge of going crazy. hahas. Lee Min Ho is cute! Nice! Handsome! Simple perfect! Omg! :D

BBF has become my daily routine heh heh~

Went out with yitian, siting and ak to study today. Siting left at 12 and ak came at abt 1+? yep. Studied at Bugis Bras Basah Macs. Hahas. Me and yitian crapped for so long. Pranked some senior. hahas. Ps :P

Then siting came at abt 3+? And we went inside Bugis Mall to walk around and stuff. Then this guy and his friend came over to 搭讪. At first I thought was someone doing survey. But obviously that's not the case. He said all kinds of stuff like what,"我如果不说出来我可能会后悔的" and stuff. haha. Whoa I was so scared sia. I thought 老妈 gonna get kidnapped away by him cuz he kept on asking her for 3 minutes-,- crazy guy. lol

Then ak pretended to be the bf, but apparently they didn't believe. And wth he's 27 years old. And I thought he was, or rather should be younger than that. like rofl? I nearly spit blood on him...

Well anw in the end we gave ak's number. haha funny~

Me yitian and ak went to eat the 台湾雪花冰. haha. Not bad~

如果可以，我想要回到那时候的我们。
那个不曾为任何事情烦恼过的我们；
那个坚信会与彼此一直走下去的我们；
那个曾经以真心来对待彼此的我们；
那个曾经喜欢一起疯的我们；

曾经拥有过的快乐，为什么要找回来却是那么的难?
大家都在变。
我不想我们的友谊变质了。
为什么这么看不起自己?
虽然我们不是那么地要好，但是我还是很珍惜你的。
看到你的照片，我会很怀念那个时候。
是啊。
我应该明白你的做法，因为我自己也不是说没想过。
但是，不要把我们避在门外好么?

一个个的。
大家一个个的都离开了。
当初的誓言呢?
当初的承诺呢?
当初的欢乐呢?
我知道，以前的快乐是真实的。
但是为什么此时的我，却感觉不到那个真实感?

我想找回那时的你，那时的我，和那时的我们♥

Posted by Monday, June 01, 2009 6/01/2009 08:57:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

今天中国六一儿童节~ 恩恩... 其实是看到别人的状态才想起来的。呵呵。儿童节，好像很早以前就已经不属于我们了。好忙。好想休息。好想喘口气。

还有几个月而已。一定要加油... 加油吧! 大家，一起加油。为了共同的梦想而努力。

Posted by Thursday, April 02, 2009 4/02/2009 08:28:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS =D
(1st April)

woots~ April's such a wonderful month don't you think? [:
hahaha.

Chem and math tests are totally screwed ><
urgh. I hate people who have big brains-.-

k bye

BORED):

Posted by Friday, March 27, 2009 3/27/2009 03:52:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

HELLO

I'm back. lol. Blog's dead now._. ahh nevermind. Loads of setbacks lately :\ failing everything. But I'm not gonna give up. Physics didn't disappoint me (: Am pretty happy when I got it back today :D But I expected a higher grade hmm :\

Started going for chemistry tuition since 2 weeks ago. Every tuesday. hmm. Not exactly what we're learning/what we've learnt. O Level syllabus is indeed different. Does that mean we're actually slower?o.o

Two tests next week. Major news! T_T
Blah. E math and chem. OH and A math ytd was so s.c.r.e.w.e.d -.-
Urgh. Luck's totally down these few days. or rather this whole year (though there's only 3 months).

Tomorrow's dongchen's CS concert. SH's. (not siswo hartoyo-_-) LOL! GST don't huachi arh. wahaha. k nvm. Yitian is osama! Jinxin is chen guanxi! osama is chenguanxi's hou gong and vice versa. eew lol. hahaha. Chenniao likes to farm-.- LOL on xiaonei. hahahahahaha. Hilarious. I was laughing at her for the past 39487456194290 minutes [: hahahaha

In the comp lab now. Freaking cold. My fingers are frozen-_-

Ahh. Yitian is Cold papaya. lol. HAHA. The scene where she gives birth to little papayas. :D so cute. lol

Jinxin's right; 疯狂也是一种幸福

미안한, 사랑하♥

I can't type chinese so I'm emo-ing now._.

haish. nvm.

Shall end this useless post with a song(:

"When It All Falls Apart"

I'm having the day from hell,

it was all going so well (before you came)

And you told me you needed space,

With a kiss on the side my face (not again)

And not to mention (the tears I shed)

But I should have kicked your (ass instead)

I need intervention

Attention to to stop temptation to scream

'cause baby

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart

Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart

Gotta pick myself up where do I start

'cause I can't turn to you

when it all falls apart No

Don't know where I parked my car

Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)

I put my faith in you

What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)

And not to mention (I drank too much)

I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)

I need intervention

Attention to to stop temptation to scream

'cause baby

Can it be easier?

Can I just change my life?

'cause it just seems to go bad everytime

Will I be mending?

another one ending once again

Falls apart

Gotta pick myself up

'cause things are messed up

this lyrics i took from the net is so screwed-.-

ahh well tata/

LATELY

Posted by Wednesday, March 11, 2009 3/11/2009 08:30:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Things just turn out so unexpectedly. somehow. :\ But I don't know how-.- Failed so many things. and I'm reflecting. of course. Mean while, I'm also struggling. Struggling to stand up, to get up after the setbacks, and the disappointments. So many things to cope with. I just don't know if I can make it up to standard anymore. It's irritating. Really. I just don't know where and what went wrong. So how can I improve for the better? And i'm still reflecting...

2009. A really bad year. Year 4 now. So many things happened, so many people changed. People come and they go eventually. I think I'm starting to accept that now. Some people are not meant to be there, and so no matter how hard you try to hold on, they will still leave.
Friendship is a very frail thing. I realise. Things that don't work out will never work out. And things that went on so smoothly, in fact too smoothly, would go wrong in the end. I too, have changed. I'm starting to question many things in my friendships with others. Am I too sensitive? I mean, everyone is bound to question things. Just a matter of whether they voice it out.

I'm starting to reflect alot now adays. I think I'm soon going to be part of the big family in Woodbridge. How very nice.

我曾经跟你说过，我是个非常珍惜友情的人。虽然你没有给我正面的答复，但是我依然相信，你跟我一样。虽然一开始，我是有很多的疑问，但是我问不出口。因为我怕。我怕，一旦我问出口，我们之间的一切就会被破坏掉。所以我一直忍着。我不停地告诉自己，自己想的不会发生，这一切都会像童话故事里面一样。我们大家，会永远永远地快乐下去。可是我错了。这一切都发生地这么得快。一夕之间，什么都变了。你变了，事情变了，友谊也变了。我从来没想过的东西发生了。伤心，是因为无法接受我们之间越来越疏远？是啊。我怀念当初的友谊，当初在一起的时光，当初一起走过的日子。可是现在，我必须面对的，却是变质的友谊。从一开始到现在，我的脑海里一直有一个问题。我很想要问你，可是我不敢。应该还是害怕吧。
现在，虽然不像以前那样了，可还算是一段友谊，所以我会继续相信你，相信这段友情。我对你冷淡，我对你忽冷忽热，我不理你，那是因为我不知道怎么样面对你。我不知道，自己还有没有资格再做你的朋友，但相信我，只要你还珍惜，那我一定也会珍惜。这段友谊能不能维持下去，我也不知道。这个世界这么的大，我们永远不会知道以后会遇到谁，现在的人将来会不会失去联系。曾经的感觉那么的强烈，让我开始怀疑，这一切是不是虚幻。

okay. I've got to go. Been on comp for such a long time. =\
tata//

and I'm still holding on ♥

birthday miao

Posted by Tuesday, March 03, 2009 3/03/2009 10:09:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Failed my chem test terribly.
My temper is getting worse as days pass by.
What on earth is happening._.
Okay so what if I don't know. It's not a crime. blah whatever.

SWEET16 birthday miao!♥

LATELY

Posted by Monday, March 02, 2009 3/02/2009 08:03:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

So many things to do. I'm so running out of time. If only there was 72 hours a day and that there was no school. I would really be happy then [:
Jiayou jiayou.

一定要撑过去...

Happy 17th birthday to geng aokun![:

What would happen if that accident back in 10 years ago did not happen? I doubt if things would still be the same...

"就算心很痛，我也要谢谢你。因为你让我爱过"♥

情人節快樂

Posted by Saturday, February 14, 2009 2/14/2009 05:09:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

情人節快樂！

今年又是一個人過啦。恩。

爲什麽你沒有出現？我坐在那裏等你等了好久。對你來說可能就是一個早上，但對我來說，卻好像一輩子那麽的長。我興奮得瞪着你的出現，可你卻沒有來。也許，這輩子都不會再看到你吧。童話故事最終的結局，應該還是王子和公主在一起了吧。但我深信，我的王子會出現的。而你，並不是我的王子，我也不曾是你的公主，以後，也不會是。看開了，可是卻沒怎麽高興起來。無精打采的。我需要努力的目標。等我訂了目標，就是你消失在我生活中的那一天。我，不會在愛你了。
祝福你，
情人節快樂。

感情，非常的複雜吧？有些事，還是不要知道得好。如果知道了會傷心，那幹嗎要知道呢？

我要離開。我要忘記這一切，忘記所有的人，甚至忘記我自己。可我從來，都不曾認識過自己，何曾來的忘記？
有緣的話，星星會讓我們再次相遇的。

我喜歡天使。非常，非常，喜歡。

黑色星期五

Posted by Friday, February 13, 2009 2/13/2009 10:23:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

okay fine. yt & st, here's your 黑色星期五。在白板上寫上日期時，才發現今天是黑色星期五。13th Friday. 真諷刺。明明是情人節除夕，明明是個充滿愛的季節，明明應該是個高興的一天，但卻是“黑色”的。星期五。對我來說，還向每一天都是黑色的。除了周末。周末，不用看到不想看到的人；不看到他們，就不會鬱悶；不會鬱悶，自己也開心多了。但是星期一呢？星期一，比星期五還要黑。

終于，星期五我解脫了。今天大家也都沒去。在外面儅了一天。

對於友情，我還是願意付出的。只是這次，我會很小心，很小心。我不想，在犯同樣的錯誤。

既然你選擇了愛情，放棄友情，那麽我也沒什麽可說得了。只能說，我對你非常的失望。友情，應該是比愛情還要長久的，不是麽？還有，永遠記住，愛的反面，是恨。

idk

Posted by Sunday, February 08, 2009 2/08/2009 03:03:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

A sudden urge made me delete all my messages in my inbox. I was actually deleting all of someone's sms. Then I got irritated by everything, so I decided to delete the rest too. Ahh. Anyway. Somehow, I don't regret. I mean, last time, messages to me were considered "precious". Yea yea, I know, I know. You're going to say that I'm mad, or crazy, or whatsoever. But those happy moments, encouraging moments, and moments of blessings were important and memorable to me.

I don't know why I no longer feel so now. Is the world changing? The people and things around me changing? Or is it me who is changing all along? I'm lost in my own world when I'm alone. I get to think. I get my own space, and my own universe.

Fine. So I admit that I'm changing. But you got to admit, that those around me are also changing. Especially some people. I don't know. But you do. you have to.

I'm sick of many things, sick of many people, sick of many habits.

So I'm trying so hard to change. Attempted. Tried. Failed. Attempted again. It's always a cycle, and will always be. When will it finally succeed? I don't know.

Life is unpredictable. People come, and go. Nothing lasts forever. I finally understand. There's meanings behind everything, it's just about whether you understand. It's not hidden for nothing you know.

I wanna jump into the sea. I wanna run along the coast and let the wind hit my face. I wanna bury my face in my pillow and sleep forever. I wanna bang my head against the wall so hard that I'll forget everything that I don't wanna remember. I wanna run away from this world that I'm so sick of and start my life anew. I wanna dream though knowing that I can't live it. I wanna lean on your shoulders forever and cry till I have no tears left. I wanna go with you to the end of the horizon, stay there forever and never come back. I wanna dance till my feet can't hold it anymore. I wanna scream till my heart's empty. I wanna sing till I have no more voice left in me. I wanna live till there's no live in me. I wanna love till there's no more love in me. I wanna catch the stars when the moon comes up. I wanna see the world crash the same way I saw mine did. I wanna live in a fairytale that will never end. I wanna live a dream that will never come true.

I wanna......

Today

Posted by Saturday, February 07, 2009 2/07/2009 09:44:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

Didn't do much today. There's not really anything for me to blog. Actually. Went out to study with Siting and Jiahui today. Wasn't exactly effective, but was fun. The feeling of breathing some fresh air is awesome. Walking around the airport was cooling.

School's starting to get busy, and homework's piling up on me, 'till I can hardly breathe. So many things to catch up with, finish up and settle. Getting really moody nowadays.

Maybe I should just keep things to myself. What's the use of telling others? Nobody will understand. anyway. So why bother? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. But maybe being alone gives me more space and time to think, and ponder about the questions that were left unanswered in my fade memory.

So just leave me alone.

Magic, is merely an illusion of the human eye. But what about love?
It's an illusion of the heart.

FRIDAY

Posted by Friday, February 06, 2009 2/06/2009 10:39:00 PM with 0 notes | add more notes

我只知道有黑色星期一。但是星期五对我来说，一样的黑。心情不好。也不知道自己都在郁闷些什么。只知道，最近很烦。非常的烦。超级无敌郁闷地烦。好多东西要做。好多事情要去想清楚。瘸了一个星期，终于可以正常的走路。虽然还是很慢啦... 不过至少比星期一来得好。
为了做那些堆积如山的功课，为了对得起自己，为了对得起父母，我本来决定要退了戏剧的。是啊，现在的决定还是要退了戏剧。可是被人骂了。因为我逃了活动。

最近老是被骂。

一个人郁闷的感觉，不好受...

我想哭。真得很想哭。肩膀，借我一下好么?

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